


The Nightmare Dun Dun Duun!

by Girly411



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen, OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:42:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girly411/pseuds/Girly411
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The nightmare has begun. Edward has turned into the stereotypical teen girl, he and Jasper fight over the wolf boy, and poor attention-seeking Emmett stands all alone in jealousy of the shirtless mortal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nightmare Dun Dun Duun!

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: If you don't like creepy or are a huge Edward fan and wouldn't want him any other way than the self-absorbed/self-abusive/self-critical sponge he is, then definitely DO NOT READ THIS! It will not settle well with you. Trust me. My dedicated Twilight fan friends even said so.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the title [which came from ClumsyBird92 (Cae)]. I got this idea while reading/reviewing for a Twilight one-shot called "17 things Edward Cullen Would NEVER Say" in the mini-series "17…" by VampGrlz(some numbers I can't remember). Even though most of the stories in the series wanted to make me puke, this one was actually somewhat decent.
> 
> This crack fic was reposted from where you can find it on my fanfiction.net profile, should anyone somehow know me from over there: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5927893/1/The-Nightmare-Dun-Dun-Duun

~~~~~~ Late one creepy, awkward, slightly humorous night **(the** **awkward** **and** **slightly** **humorous** **idea** **was** **Cae** **'** **s** **idea** **XD)** , the Cullens were the only ones awake as usual…

Edward skipped into the room and stopped in front of Rosalie with a huge smile. "Oh my gosh, Rose! Is that a new outfit? It looks _so_ good on you," he commented excitedly just as Alice walked into the room and he turned to her, "Alice! I'm getting a makeover, so I'm going to need you to do my nails, fix my hair, maybe help me sort through my closet so I can clean everything out… You're writing all this down, right? Everything needs to be perfect." His smile brightened when Alice shuffled out of the room and came back with a large box full of stuff she'd been saving for this very moment.

"I knew you'd finally see things my way," she trilled ecstatically as she took a seat next to Rosalie on the living room couch, "Where do we start?"

They thought for a moment before Edward got an idea. "I know! Let's go shopping! _NO!_ Let's have a slumber party!" he exclaimed, startling Rosalie, who stared at him with wide eyes, "We can invite all our friends."

Alice jumped up from the couch and started jumping up and down while squealing excitedly. Edward did the same as Rosalie stared at them in confusion. "Who would you invite?" Rosalie questioned calmly just as Emmett made his way into the room to join their squeal-fest. It took them a moment to register her question.

They all stopped and Edward shrugged. "IDK, my BFF, Jill?"

Emmett looked over at him, hurt. "I thought _I_ was your BFF, Jill," he pouted as if he was about to cry.

Edward bit his lip as he thought it over to himself. "Sorry, Emmy," he said with a small smile, "Jacob Black is my best friend. Jakey and I have _so_ much fun."

Emmett gasped in shock. "Eddie… how could you choose that… that _puppy_ over _me_?" he asked, now even more upset, "I bet he isn't even house trained. He probably pees on the carpet. No! He's not that civilized. He pees in a cup… and runs around shirtless! No wonder you chose him. I thought you loved me."

Edward tried to give him a hug, but Emmett pushed away.

Jasper walked into the room as if he were daydreaming. "You guys are talking about Jacob? Can I join?" he asked with a sparkle in his eye and a slight smile stretched across his face. **(This** **is** **where** **Cae** **stopped** **reading** **…** **I** **guess** **this** **means** **most** **of** **you** **have,** **too,** **then.)**

Alice looked at him funny before turning to Rosalie, who stood up. She whispered something in the blonde's ear and they ran out of the room.

"Emmy, don't hate me!" Edward pleaded before glancing over at Jasper and asked, "Why?"

Jasper put his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, resembling a little kid. "Are you gonna invite Jake to the party?" he questioned hopefully, "We can have a pillow fight."

Edward stopped trying to hug Emmett and placed his hands on his hips. "Why do you wanna have a pillow fight with Jakey? He's _my_ best friend, Jazz. You can't have him!" he stated defensively, which made Jasper start to pout.

"He likes me better," Jasper argued back and Emmett stood between them.

"Yeah, right… in your _day_ _dreams_! He wouldn't like you unless you forced him to with your powers," Edward shot back at him, but Emmett put a restraining hand on their chests and sighed, obviously annoyed at the lack of attention he was getting. Edward and Jasper continued to glare at each other.

"Why don't you just ask him who he prefers… and stop acting like children!" Emmett suggested seriously for once, "That's my job." He couldn't help but throw in that joke… though he was only half serious.

Edward smirked as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Great idea, Emmy. I'll call him. No, I'll text him and tell him to come over so he can break the news to Jazz in person!" he rambled as he plunked himself down on the couch and started speed-texting.

Emmett sat down next to him and slowly Jasper did the same. They waited while Edward kept sending text after text to every contact on his phone it seemed.

"Who exactly did you say you were inviting over?" Emmett questioned thoughtfully.

Edward looked over at him for a fraction of a second before returning his attention to the phone again. "Everyone," he answered simply, not even flinching when they heard a crash from the other room that sort of resembled a broken piano, "Oh, well… I never liked the piano anyway."

A few moments passed before they heard the door open and a very disgruntled Jacob Black burst into the room. "You _do_ know your piano is…" he began to say, but the others nodded before Edward and Jasper tackle hugged him, " _Oookay_ … What the…? Why are you…?" He stared in confusion while Emmett glared at him from his spot on the couch. "Did I miss something?" he finally managed as he tried to push away from the vampires.

Emmett crossed his arms over his solid chest. "Put a shirt on," he stated, settling farther into the couch.

Jacob narrowed his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "Why was I told to show up here again?"

Edward looked up at him. **(This** **is** **about** **the** **spot** **where** **TheBadassRoza,** **Roza,** **stopped** **reading,** **so** **I** **guess** **any** **of** **you** **still** **here** **are** **already** **gone** **now.** **If** **not** **…** **congrats** **and** **thanks!)** "Because you've been invited to my slumber party and I know you would have come anyway because you like me more than Jazz, right?"

Jasper stuck his tongue out at Edward before smiling at Jacob. " _Nuh-uh!_ You totally like _me_ more than Eddie, don't you, Jakey?"

The wolf boy's face contorted into an expression of extreme confusion as he finally managed to free himself from the two vampires' bone crushing grip. "You guys are both okay, but right now I think Emmett is my favorite because he isn't trying to crush me… though I'm sure he wants to," was his reply, making Emmett bolt upright in surprise. He obviously hadn't expected that.

Alice darted into the room and stood behind Jacob as she tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Shivering at the sudden coldness, he turned slightly to face her curiously. "If you don't mind, I'm going to need to steal Edward to go over more plans," she said sweetly, glancing over at Edward, who reluctantly left the room, "Thanks." She flashed a perfect smile at them before following him out.

"While we wait, let's watch TV. I'm sure they'll be a while," Emmett suggested, turning on the TV as the other two sat next to him.

Pretty soon everything was set up and the rest of the guys had arrived. "Let's play truth or dare," Mike Newton suggested – surprisingly, he'd been on the guest list.

Everyone sat in a circle on the floor. "Cool idea, Mike," Edward agreed, "You can start."

"Okay… Since you always seem to know what we're thinking, I'll pick you," he began to ask, "Truth or dare?"

Edward thought for a moment before choosing, "Truth."

Mike smiled, having the perfect question. "What are you thinking right now?"

Edward grinned while hugging his pillow. "Jessica is one hawt chick!" was his answer and he shook his head when he got strange looks in return, "Actually, I prefer blondes."

"But what about Bella?" Emmett asked, remembering the wedding plans.

Edward shook his head. "I would never marry _her_. Sorry, but I'm telling Alice she'll have to cancel the wedding," he explained to everyone's shock, "I'd rather admit that I'm madly in love with Rose."

~~~~~~ _Back_ _in_ _real_ _time_ _…_

Alice screamed in terror as the scene in front of her eyes ended. Suddenly, from the piano, she heard something hit the ground hard.

"My eyes! They _burn_!" Edward shouted after seeing Alice's horrific vision, something he really wished he would never have to witness again, but unfortunately the image was burned into the back of both vampires' minds.

Alice noticed it was almost dark, so she pulled out her phone and quickly called Bella. Thankfully, she was still awake and answered after the third ring.

"Alice?" Bella asked sleepily, "Wha–?"

"Drink lots of coffee, eat lots of sugary sweet stuff, clean your room… Whatever you do, don't you _dare_ sleep tonight!" Alice warned, cutting her off in mid-question.

Bella paused a moment. "Was it another vision?" she guessed, yawning slightly.

Alice's eye widened as she hurried into the room with the piano and found Edward on the floor in the fetal position. "If you care at all about your sanity, then you will not let yourself fall asleep or else you'll be scarred for life," she said, "Trust me on this. Edward would tell you himself, but I think he's suffering from what looks like a cardiac arrest… even though that's not possible. Please, Bella… If you love me, don't sleep."

The only thing worse than the end of the world was Bella's nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N) Hello again, dear readers. Okay, so if you've made it this far, I'm shocked. I know. I know. I'm probably going to get a whole spam load of flames for this… if I even get any reviews at all. I get it and I respect that… I think. But please tell me what you really think. This is here because I couldn't resist posting it and if you never look at me the same way as an authoress because of this, then, sure, go ahead and have fun with that. Hopefully, I'll get something out of it and, if you don't have Bella's nightmare tonight, then I really should quit writing. Tell me what you think! And thanks to all my friends who read this!
> 
> And for those of you who still feel like you're missing some huge secret about this alleged nightmare Bella was supposed to have… you've just read it. The whole first part was actually her nightmare. It's explained when you reach the page break and Alice is freaking out about this new vision she saw (aka: the thing you just read right before that)… and, of course, the last line pretty much gives it away. So, I hope that clears things up for you… because I was surprised when people asked me over on fanfiction.net what the nightmare was. O_o Dude… *sigh* Is it me or were people just skimming through this 3-page drabble instead of reading it? XD
> 
> Keep in mind I had originally written this back in 2010 before revisiting it in 2011 to give it the revamp it deserved and bring it to its current inglorious state.
> 
> I actually forgot how much I liked this little horror/humor/parody thing. ;P Either way, I may end up writing up a series of nightmares based on this because it was so much fun… and it'll give me something to do. I haven't read Twilight in ages… and don't think I'll ever go back to it if I can help it… so it'll be fun to see how much I butcher it. O_o But that's because I'm liking the whole aspect of OOC/AU Twilight nightmares. Dun dun duuun! =P
> 
> Let me know what you think. Any suggestions would be more than greatly appreciated. I'd be terribly happy to write something up for you if you're willing to issue me a challenge. ;D


End file.
